Pretty Crafty

Our Halloween

Here are our little trick or treaters before heading out.  Evan was a clone trooper and Taylor was a Princess. She was supposed to be Dorothy, but that costume didn't provide enough room for layering for warmth. It was a quick night, we only made it down two streets and they called it a night. But Evan declared when he arrived home that it was the best Halloween ever. Who knew? It was quick and that is not always a bad thing I guess. Evan isn't feeling well so it was early to bed for him.

Today is going to be spent doing the Great Clean up of 2009--that is what I am calling it. I just feel like it is time to rid this house of all the clutter and make it feel like a place I want to spend time in. Going through our closets has been an eye opener, not sure why we haven't done this yet. So far there are six garbage bags and more on the way. I have a Big Brothers pick up scheduled for the 15th, will be very glad to see it go. Then I am going to have Scott hang all the shelves and pictures on the wall that I have been wanting to hang.

So happy to see Halloween pass and now move on to November. I must say I am so looking forward to January and the start of a new year. I am really done with this year and looking forward to a fresh start. Certainly has to be better than this past year--my theory anyways.

Better get off the computer and back to my clean. Hope you had a good weekend! 

 

Together.

That is the positive I am able to extract from this situation. That and that my Dad didn't have to suffer through the cruelty of Cancer at the end. On October 25th, my Dad passed away. It was sooner than we expected due to a complication from medication he was taking. There were no good byes at the end because he never regained consciousness--but we believe he heard our voices telling him he was loved and we were so thankful he was our Dad.

My Brother-in-law said we may find it more difficult to say goodbye to our Dad. His theory is that Mom and Dad were such a package deal (always together), by still having Dad around we still had a bit of Mom too. He is correct. It is hard, I was so looking forward to Dad coming to live with us. The kids were really excited too, to have Grandpa in the basement and easy access to a willing playmate or TV buddy. But there were other plans in the works and that is that. Atleast he didn't suffer and for that I am hugely grateful.

So now is a time to move on. But moving on at this moment doesn't feel like the right thing to do. I am just going to go with the flow and do what feels right.
  

Happy Thanksgiving and Hello Fall!

Taylor in October 2007 

So this weekend was Thanksgiving here in Canada. A time to remember all you are thankful for and eat a bit of Turkey or whatever you tend to cook. Yesterday, my family placed my Mom's ashes in their niche. It was a bittersweet goodbye and we were able to have a nice dinner after wards. My Sister did a great job of cooking a turkey and all that good stuff. Time to move on and prepare my Dad for the move into our basement. We have had so many generous people offer and give their help in getting this project done. My Sister and her husband are coming from Alberta to help finish off the basement and put up the drywall. My Father-in-law and my hubby's friend Ben, have also been incredibly giving of their time. That is all certainly something to be thankful for. The kids are excited to have Grandpa in the basement. Taylor says she can't wait to watch TV with him--not sure he knows what he is in for:)

Today was a day at work and a quick dinner at my hubby's Aunt's house. So two yummy dinners and that will do me until Christmas.

Our weather has been amazing these past couple weeks. Clear, crisp and NO RAIN!!! I can only hope this trend continues and we can enjoy the sun for a bit longer. I love fall and I think this time of year has grown to be my favourite. I love the sun and crisp weather, so much more enjoyable than the crazy heat we experienced this summer. I also love the colours of Fall--golds, browns, greens and reds. I cannot believe the picture above is our Taylor--she seems so grown up now. Need to take some more pictures this year of both the kids. I would love to hit a park with lots of gorgeous leaves and do a photo shoot. We will see if we can find some time and two will participants--usually a bribe works when I need to snap some pictures.

Been thinking about the East Coast and a trip we took a few years ago. Would love to take that trip again some day and during this time of year. We hit Montreal, Boston and NYC and it was such a great trip and the Fall was such a beautiful time of year. Hopefully next Fall, when Taylor is a bit older and can get more from the trip. Also wouldn't mind visiting Chicago again, what a great City that is.

Noticed something funny when I was putting my dishes in the dishwasher...I try to buy soaps, cleaning stuff that is environmentally friendly, so no phosphates and other nasty chemicals. Also would like to avoid for our own health too. But this new dishwasher soap is supposed to be so much more friendly and contain none of the bad stuff, but it is a soap tab that is housed in a bag and also individually wrapped in plastic. What?? Why waste more plastic? Seems to kind of defeat the purpose doesn't it? Things that make you go hmmm.

TV is quite enjoyable right now. We (well I) am loving Glee on Fox--perish the thought. It is such a fun show, love all the singing and quirky story lines, but mostly the singing/dancing. Also became hooked on Flash forward (hubby likes it too) and it is keeping me happy until Lost starts up again. Very Lost-like, but good on its own merits as well. My other Fave show (True Blood) is done for the Season and I will have to wait to find out what has happened to Bill.

I was making good progress on the housework, that is until I put the kids to bed and hopped on the internet. Blasted technology and it's interference. Who am I kidding, it could have something to do with my lack of willpower.

Need some salty air...

I was going to post a pic of the ocean, but for whatever reason Internet Explorer doesn't want me to. Since I am a slave to the PC, I must obey and yet still yearn for a Mac. Sometimes I truly feel like I am living the Mac/PC commercials--you know the one with Justin Long and the geeky PC guy? Except in my reality, I am Justin Long and my hubby is the PC guy. But I digress...

Since I am truly a Cancer crab (my horoscope) I love to be near the ocean. Really any body of water will do, but nothing compares to the soothing factor of the ocean. Growing up, we lived in a house on the harbour in Nova Scotia and I really didn't realize how great it was. To be able to just look outside and see the waves lapping the shore was wonderful. One day, I hope to have that view again.

So I registered for a course at BCIT, through the distance learning centre. I was looking at taking the class in an actual classroom and quickly realized how daft that idea was. There is little time for many things and heading into Burnaby to sit in a classroom is just plain stupid. I think this class will grant me some wisdom that will be of use in a business setting and that can never hurt.

Still no Honey Crisps and it makes me so sad. Hopefully next year, we will be reunited and for now I can hope the crop is just late. Right? Anyone know where these apples are hiding, please share the details.

Need to get busy working on the basement and need to get Cuddles the Cat situated upstairs. Cuddles and my Dad are not besties and she needs to vanish from the basement. Refusing to think of the small window we have to get this done in. Ignorance is bliss or so they say.

Went on a date with my boy to the movies. It was great and a last minute decision. We went to see the Cloudy with a chance of meatballs movie. I really enjoyed it and it had a good message. We ate popcorn and sang spongebob songs on the way to the theatre. certainly need to make sure we do that more often, it was nice spending time with my boy. He is growing up so fast and one day I will cease to be his movie date of choice.

Well this is turning into quite the random post. I am so excited for Fall to arrive and so thrilled to kick summer to the curb. It was not a pleasant month for me and I am quite happy to be saying goodbye. I am hoping this new season is one of growth, peace, love and adventure.

Two of the Grade One Mom's and I are joining Weight Watcher's together. I have done it before and it works--now I am hoping the team effort helps. I think it will be helpful to get the support of a team--just call us the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Pants. One can hope...

So the insomnia is easing off and I need to hit the hay. Hope your Tuesday is wonderful!

First Week

So the first week of school is over and now we hope Evan is placed in a class with some of his buddies. He went to Kindergarten with a really great group of kids and I hope he gets to spend Grade 1 with atleast a few. Adjusting to a full day has been going fairly well. He sure does come home cranky though--that I hope evens out a bit. Although, I realize it probably won't for atleast another 12 years or so. Taylor is chugging right along at preschool and seems to be having fun. So this week was a good one and look forward to another new week.

I will admit this week has been a bit tough. The kids have been experiencing so many new things and I keep thinking, I have to phone Mom and tell her. Except that is not possible and it sure hits home that she is gone and we really miss her. I know this will ease in time and everything will get easier. It was so sweet, we were driving in the car and passed a hotel that my parents stayed in once when they were visiting from the Island. Evan said, that is the place Grandma and Grandpa stayed. Then he said, it is too bad that Grandma isn't still here. Then Taylor says, Evan Grandma is dead. It is funny because it is so matter of fact and said in a tone that says--how can you forget. Then Taylor says, Grandma is sitting on a cloud. But I can't see her today, I can't see the cloud. I told her it was hard to see the clouds that day. So sweet and funny at the same time. It is so great how pure and honest kids are.

Well another busy weekend at the Store and still a long to-do list. Yikes.

A New Normal.

   

So things have seemed a little topsy-turvey lately and it hit me today...this is our new normal. A lot has happened in the past few weeks and new paths are being forged. There has been the loss of my Mom and moving into a new Store to contend to. I don't think I fully absorbed the first before doing the second, if that makes any sense. I guess a person moves through the grieving process at their own pace and I am discovering mine. I have passed the denial/numb stage and moving right along to the sad stage. But because I like to really give myself a challenge, I threw in a visit to the hospital. I guess I also like to challenge my family and co-workers as well. It seems every two years or so, my body likes to remind me that I have had mini-strokes or TIA's before. Strange little episodes that scare the doctors and me, but warrant no real explanation. This year's episode involved an "out of nowhere" pain in the left side of my head that made me think that an explosion was being detonated and a little right arm spasming/weakness. So off I went to the hospital, truly thinking an aneurysm was bursting in my noggin. Four days, two hospitals and two scans later--again no real explanation. It could be another transient event, or a severe migraine. I have been a little (okay a lot) delinquent on the daily aspirin I am to take, so who knows. I will admit it is frustrating to have some of the city's best medical professionals not be able to explain my carotids to me. One thing I can say, familiarize yourself with the signs of Stroke because you truly never know when that information will be needed.

Moving down the road to our new living arrangements. Well, my Dad's impending, new living arrangements. We are lucky enough to have the space for my Dad to come and live with us. Our basement is a blank canvas and a place we had always intended on finishing. Thankfully it is an above ground basement and is very light and quite "un-basement" like. With my Mom gone, I cannot imagine my Dad doing well alone. This way, he can have his privacy and less privacy when he wants it. I am not going to lie, I want to make sure the guy is eating too. As a new bachelor, eating right seems to get forgotten at times. In the back of my mind, I also question what the future holds health wise. We know he has terminal cancer and his future is uncertain. I am looking forward to having him here and I hope he can put up with us--maybe sound proof ceilings would be a good idea. The kids are pretty excited and keep asking when Grandpa is going to start sleeping here.

I should also mention how fabulous my Husband is and how amazingly supportive he is. My Dad moving in was actually Scott's idea. I have put this man through a lot and he has never wavered and is always there. He may not cook, but he knows how to be there when it counts. He loves us with all his heart and we can feel that. So I must say I am pretty lucky.

It is so funny how the little things really excite me. In our Kitchen, I use J-cloths and always just hang them over the middle of the sink. So I found a cross between these two beauties (see below) at Walmart. I am so excited, I can hang my cloth and hold my scrubby neatly! Yes, I am a geek and maybe missed these before, but I am happy. Really folks, it doesn't take much.

 

School is coming up and in two days there will be a Grade "One-ner" in the house. There will also be a senior preschool girl in the house as well! So hard to believe and I better remember the tranquilizers for that first day. I simply cannot fathom Evan being there all day. As the year progresses, I know I will be grateful for the longer hours, but right now I am feeling a little verklempt. Taylor is going to be in preschool for three days a week and is so excited.

Well I hear my bed calling out my name and I am not going to argue. I hope you are enjoying those last few days of summer. We are going to try and venture out to the PNE tomorrow. Not my fave way to spend the day, but the kids like it. If they are excited, I can be too.

Stormy Waters.

  

I must admit, that today finds me feeling a lot like this picture. Dark, broody, melancholy and unsure. A part of me feels as though I am adrift on this ocean--bobbing around and unsure of my course. The frustrating thing is that I have no time to venture off course, no matter how much I want to. My heart is telling me to hit the road, have an adventure and come to terms with my feelings. I guess I am too much of a romantic and have watched one too many movies--real life just doesn't grant you the opportunity to run. It isn't that I want to run away forever, just for a bit and away from the demands of everyday. I feel a bit like a raw wound and know this too shall pass. It always does doesn't it? Truth be told, I am frustrated because I thought I had this all figured out. None of this came as a shock, we knew what was coming and I thought I would know how I would feel. So many times leaving the hospital or hospice I would say, it feels like she is already gone. My Mom was no longer herself, she had been consumed with sadness, illness and worry or fear perhaps? I thought this was preparing me for the time she would be physically gone and I thought I was sad enough. Then the time comes and you don't want to leave her side, because this time will truly be the last time. It feels like shock and you are in a perpetual state of disbelief. I knew the end was coming, but it came much faster than we all thought. In some parts of my mind, I ask how did we get here? How did my Mom come to receive her diagnosis in March? Why did chemo not grant her the extra months we thought it might? So many questions and even more so the reality of the situation is pure agony. Since now I know, I will never see her again and that is too much right now. I guess I just don't feel ready to not have her on the other end of the telephone line, or to complain to when being a Mom just plain sucks or to ask her advice when I need it. So now the tough times need to come and go as quickly as they came. I don't want to not feel this pain because it feels like I am not doing her justice. But I also don't want to be bobbing out on the ocean for too long, I need to remember my course. Trying to remember the good times is easier said than done at this moment, but that is what my Mom would want. She was the most unselfish person I have ever known--she would want us to live our lives and be happy. I am also not alone in this, I have a Dad, Sister and Brother that feel the exact same way. For that I am thankful, we can figure this out together.

Like I have always said, there is a lesson in here somewhere. Right now, I am focusing on the gratitude that I feel. I feel so lucky to have had someone to love so much, someone that loved me that much and someone that made such a big impact in my life. I think I need to pay more attention to how I am living my life and also be kinder to myself. To respect my body more, so I can live a long,long time and see my grandchildren grow up. I am sure there will be more lessons learned and that is what living is all about.

Thank you for allowing me to spew forth my thoughts and I hope you have much love in your life today.

A Challenge for Today...

Tell someone you love or care about something you have always been meaning to tell them. Not, I have always been meaning to tell you have thick ankles. I mean, something positive, something you will regret not having told them when approaching the end of your time here in this realm. Get the drift? Trust me you will never regret the decision to share your feelings with those most special to you.Quit thinking, I will do that tomorrow. Just a little challenge for today. 

Wise Words

I have heard the saying, It takes a village to raise a child. Well some days, it takes a village to make it through a weekend. Thank you to those villagers that helped me when I needed it this weekend. Please know that I appreciated your kindness. Thank you!

An OMG Moment

I think I have been living in a perpetual Ground Hog Day moment (remember that movie?). My birthday is coming up the first week of July. I will be honest and say it has been popping into my mind every now and then. When the ominous event does flitter through my mind, I keep thinking I will be turning 32. But that would be incorrect, I will be THIRTY-THREE! I just realized that a moment ago and it sent shivers down my spine. I know for those of you well past your thirties, you will be rolling your eyes. But bear with me, this is freaking me out. I can't help but think that in almost seven years I will be forty. Don't get me wrong, I would never wish myself back in time. I am quite happy with where I am now, but couldn't time just slow down a wee bit?

I have been thinking about age a lot since my Mom's cancer diagnosis. All of a sudden my place in the universe shifted. I no longer feel like my Mom's littlest girl, I am most definitely grown up and needed in a much different way. It is a very eerie feeling to feel these roles shifting. I knew it would happen one day, but I was not prepared for it to happen so soon. Now don't get me wrong, I love being able to help my parents and wouldn't have it any other way. I consider it a privilege to be able to be here and help them in any way I can. It is a mere drop in the bucket since they have helped me in more ways than I can ever count.

Life is a funny thing. Especially life right now. It is such a mix of bitter and sweet and it is not always easy to deal with the bitter. But that is what life is all about isn't it? We are on a constant ever changing path and there is only one constant--change.

I think this year I am going to come up with a new Life List on my Birthday. 33 things I want to do before my next birthday. I feel the need to make lists and what a better list to make. I can't help but feel an urgency to make every moment count.